Ended the season tied
A one game playoff would decide
League champion
And
Who would represent the district
TOC
Tournament Of Champions
Tigers vs. Giants
The hated Giants
Our rivals
Standing on the mound
Three outs away from winning
Got the first and second batter
Then a couple of hits
Wasn’t the type of pitcher to slow the game down
As soon as the catcher threw the ball back after a pitch
I’d whip it right back to him
Couple of pitches into the next batter
Coach yelled
Take a deep breath
Looked up
As I took the deep breath I normally wouldn’t take
Noticed, not a cloud in the sky
Perfect day for a ball game
Stepped on the rubber
Come on “Little Fernando”
Nicknamed after my favorite player
And fellow Mexican pitcher
Began my wind up
Hurled the ball toward the plate
Huge swing by the hitter
The kind that’s usually followed by a hand in the air
After knocking the ball out park
Except he got on top of it
A slow roller toward me on the mound
Calmly picked it up
Softly tossed it to the first baseman
Runner only a couple steps from the bag
When the ball landed in my teammates glove
And the umpire called him “Out!”
A collective cheer
As we beat our hated rivals
Jumping up and down
Tears rolling down my face
Soon I was bawling
Emotion got the best of me
Pops made his way over
Thought it was to congratulate me
Grabbed by the arm instead
Pulled away from cheering teammates
Low voice
Through gritted teeth and pursed lips
What’s wrong with you?
Why are you crying?
Anger in his face
Men don’t cry!
You’re embarrassing yourself, and me
He let me go and I rejoined my team
Moment of joy gone
Leaving my head buzzing with embarrassment
And some anger of my own
Tried to explain myself
On the way home
Even major leaguers cry
After winning the World Series dad
He quickly let me know
You didn’t win the World Series
I don’t care what others do
If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?
11 years old
Came to the conclusion
Had to become a man
Men don’t express feelings
Be tough
Don’t be a little bitch
Keep it in
Whatever you do
From now on
Keep it all in
A Beautiful Day For Baseball by Robert Rodriguez August 16, 2014. 6:32AM
A little disclaimer for today’s post, it’s something I wrote in 2014 and I’m sharing this because it took me a long time to get over this incident and how “machismo” in Latin culture and patriarchy overall can squash hopes and dreams and love and the human spirit in society and creates cold hearts, anger, resentment, low self esteem and worst of all self hate for having natural feelings. Just one man’s opinion.
Fresh Off The Pad Poetry 
Never keep it all in, a man does not have to suffer in this manner. We are emotional human beings and should be able to cry in happiness, it is not the only emotion to express rage or something that needs to be bottled up that eventually strangles our veins and feelings from the inside if we do not give it the natural release it requires. I enjoyed hearing about your baseball escapades in this prose poem and think that it serves well as a valuable life lesson to illustrate that we should be respectful of our own feelings and emotions, as they are good indicators to help identify problems and find solutions for them that benefit our own well-being.
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Thanks David, it was pretty much a must to hold it all in at age 11 when showing emotion basically led to a beating. Nowadays, thankfully, I have put the scars behind me. My dad and I have a great relationship now and I can talk freely and I am not afraid to admit my true and honest self to him. He thanks me and apologizes for the way he treated me when he was a young boy.
The first time my dad ever told me he was proud of me was after I had a son of my own and he saw how I treated him with respect and allowed him to be himself.
In case you were wondering, it was only when I rediscovered writing and its healing powers at about age 33 that I was able to gain my voice. It reminded me to be in touch with my feelings and opinions which I had buried so deep in order to survive the trauma of having an overbearing father when I was young.
Happy New Year my friend!
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Correction to the last sentence of the first paragraph
**He thanks me for forgiving him and apologizes for the way he treated me when I was a young boy**
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